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The Joy of playing Deathloop as the pettiest man in existenceNot Steve! He was ∞ days from retirement!
Not Steve! He was ∞ days from retirement!

Hello! How was your day? Oh, me? Well, I spent the morning scheduling a crank wheel delivery to Updaam. Had lunch. Went back in the afternoon, disabled a few turrets, then hid behind a bin for a bit. All solely to turn off an oxygen pump and asphyxiate a bubble-encased band that I could have easily shot in a few seconds. Tomorrow, I may climb to the top of a three story building just to plummet, machete first, on the face of a guard that killed me once a few loops back. Hello. My name is Colt, and I am the pettiest videogame protagonist in existence.
Can Deathloop Kick It? Yes, It Can | My Fav Thing In… (Deathloop Review)Watch on YouTube
Can Deathloop Kick It? Yes, It Can | My Fav Thing In… (Deathloop Review)


Colt is the rare videogame shootyman who isn’t Doom Guy and just straight up enjoys his job as much as the player does. Both he and Julliana are Arkane protagonists cut from the cloth that the studio usually reserves for its much more interesting fringe oddballs while the leading parts go to stoics and mutes. I have some gripes with Deathloop, but I’ll take Colt and Julliana’s worst one liners over Corvo lamenting Dishonored’s much more interesting world while he perches on a roof like a grim, guilt-ridden, gravel-throated gargoyle. Homicidal glee is, it turns out, incredibly infectious.
Lighthearted time loop stories usually feature a sort of ‘seven stages of grief’ arc. Confusion. Despair. Acceptance. Then playful nihilism, like Bill Murray eating facefuls of cake for breakfast. This is always the best part. Deathloop knows this. Personal growth and altruism are for suckers who don’t recognise a good thing when they see it. Revenge is best served in perpetuity, in the pettiest ways imaginable. Bill Murray never had to floss again, and Colt never has to wash the face fragments off his best kicking boots.