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The 9 dodgiest religions in gamesOne Off The List
One Off The List
Ah, religion. I know this is a topic we all have trouble agreeing on. But fear not, humble practitioner of a good pray, I am not here to squint angrily at your favourite book of life advice. I’m only here for the videogame religions. The ones that are very, very, very, very bad. You know, the gun-loving cults and the xenophobic people-burners. The (mostly) fictional religions that involve an uncommon volume of murder. Step this way, sprinkle yourself with some of my 100% genuine oil of the almighty, and peruse the 9 most dodgy religions in games.
Eden’s Gate -Far Cry 5
Joseph Seedis the leader of this cult to end all cults. He is David Koresh with a better logistics department. If you join Eden’s Gate, you get a dose of excellent drugs and a free 9mm pistol. Which sounds good! But hang on, it’s a trick. Because you will also have to endure constantbanal preachingandsnot-nosed eulogiesfrom the shepherd of this flock. You will receive an abundance of nonsense from a topless John the Baptist in tinted aviators. He will not stop banging on about the Big Fella. You’d think a man-bunned hipster with the Independent Truck Company logo tattooed on his back would be more chill, but no. He’s furious. He has lost it. He thinks the world is going to end in flames any day now. Which is ridiculous.
The church of Yevon -Final Fantasy X
“Sin” is a giant armoured fish. Don’t join this church.
It is this card game’s greatest trial, to be presented with the sensuous cry of “CAWWWW CAWWWWW” and fend off the urgeto jointhe noble creatures inflicting it upon you.
The Chantry -Dragon Age: Origins
Fish worshipers -Metro Exodus
Anothergiant fish. Honestly.
The Seven Gods -Divinity: Original Sin 2
A pantheon of assholes. There aresevenof them, because it means a god for each of the seven fantasy races in this blood-puddling RPG. You’ve got your human god, your elf god, your lizard god, and so on. They are all vengeful, irritable spirit gangsters. When a normal person of the physical world dies, the gods suck up their soul energy. As a result, these seven divine jerks like to play war with their pawn-people. To them, it’s like having a game of chess where you can eat the pieces. Checkmate-flavoured sandwiches. At one point in their puppeteering, they get so annoyed with you (for being bad at your job) theyoutright attack you. It would be nice, you think, if there were some sort of eighth god to choose instead. And oh, look: there is!
He is afascist skeleton.
Christianity -Assassin’s Creed
The worst thing most people find to say about the Pope today is that he hates it when youtouch his hands. In Assassin’s Creed II, however, the pope is a conspiratorial aficionado of poisoning people, and a hoarder of long-lost technology. He has people hanged and hits you with a stick. He is not as bad as that Pope who once puta corpse on trial. But he is pretty bad.
The Scribes -Pyre
The Church of the Eternal Fire -The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
These folks are a lot like the Chantry fromDragon Age, insofar as they arewitch-burning wheezebags, more or less resembling the Catholic Church of Medieval Europe. They’ve got their own inquisition, they hate a mouthy woman, and as far as they’re concerned, if it looks a bit weird, it’s definitely worth putting on the blasphemy barbecue. They do not worship a god as such, and instead opt for being really keen on pyrotechnics. The Church’s leader is a man called - don’t laugh -Hemmelfart. I said don’t laugh. They burn you for laughing, you know.
One Off The List from…
Last week we gathered upthe 12 most extravagant lines of dialogue in games. And thus, to borrow a phrase, every pain of the soul of all kinds were visibly and tangibly manifested, everywhere and in all of us. But you chose one of these lines to downgrade to the status of “not that extravagant”.
It’s…Leon and Claire swearing in Resident Evil 2.
Watch on YouTube
Watch on YouTube
Biker Girl Claire and Raccoon City’sfinestnewest Leon get the chop, thanks to list inspector “ShadowsSun”, who makes a good point, saying that their exclamations are simply:
See you next week, listocrats.
