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Have You Played… Blood Bowl 2?RIP Slamadeus Grozart
RIP Slamadeus Grozart
FuckingBlood Bowl 2. Ah, that’s better.
You know the thing elder siblings do to younger siblings, where they use the weaker child’s arms to slap the face of the body they are attached to, while mockingly asking “why are you hitting yourself?”. That’s Blood Bowl 2. That’s the entire game’s worth of code, expressed in five cruel, puerile words. It suffers from the curse of being an all-too-faithful adaptation of a tabletop game, but with all elements of inter-player mercy put into the uncaring hands of a digital referee. “No takebacks” reigns forever, here.
The entire ruleset is built out of pitfalls, with the smallest error in judgement, the briefest forgetfulness, putting you at a colossal disadvantage, and no warning whatsoever from the game when you are about to do something disastrous. Indeed, most of the rules you won’t even be aware of until you fall foul of them, unless you somehow manage to recall them from the deluge of abstract, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it information presented during the tutorial.
The feeling subsides a little as you get more experienced, I am assured. But even for experienced players, loss almost always comes about as a result of failing to remember some trivial but crucial quirk, rather than through being outplayed.
Goofy has died— Disneyland (@Disneyland2go)February 2, 2020
Goofy has died
— Disneyland (@Disneyland2go)February 2, 2020
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I played Mozart’s Requieum on my phone, for all the Discord channel to hear, for the remainder of the match, and spoke a brief eulogy for Grozart at the final whistle. It didn’t quite make up for everything that had come before, but it kept me playing for a few matches more.
