HomeFeatures
All 234 animals in Red Dead Redemption 2 reviewed (part 3)Western Chipmunk to White Cougar
Western Chipmunk to White Cougar
It’s been a little while since I did one of these, but those animals aren’t gonna review themselves, so I’d best crack on. And with 43 already given definitive ratings for all time, I’m nearly a quarter of the way through the list. Well, more like one sixth, actually, but who cares about fractions? Anyway, today I’ve got a much more interesting selection to work through than last time’s miserable collection of farm animals, so I’m in good spirits. Let’s get our binoculars out, then, and have a little mosey.
44) Western Chipmunk
Verdict:4/10. Pleasant stripes, but the grating whinge of those awful cartoon characters will always append “♬and Theodore!♬ to any thought I ever have about chipmunks.
45) Californian Condor
Verdict:7/10. They probably smell dreadful, but I wish them well.
46) Double-crested Cormorant
Verdict:6/10. Oh Mister Crestworth, whatever shall we do about these frightful owls!
47) Neotropic Cormorant
This is one of those animals that leads me to wonder exactly what Rockstar were playing at with RDR2’s bestiary. There’s only one type of crab (the best animal) in the game, but there’stwocormorants? And call me a cynic, but they look almost identical. In fact, unless my reference materials are bungled, they are literally identical, although maybe with different colours that I can’t see cos the almanac photos are all in black and white (or sepia, I guess). Even if they are a different colour, that’s just a palette swap, not a whole new animal. It’s exactly the same as when you come across the skeletons you had to fight on the first level, but they’re now red and slightly tougher. I suppose I should give you a fact about them, so here you go, courtesy of wikipedia: they lay “up to five chalky, bluish-white eggs.”
Verdict:5/10. One for every potential chalky, bluish-white egg.
48) Cougar/Mountain Lion
Good lord, the cougar. This animal is responsible for what is, genuinely, one of the most frightening moments I’ve ever experienced in a video game. And luckily, I caught it on camera, during the “nature watching” stream that inspired this series of posts. Have a watch, and enjoy the moment where I genuinely lose my mind with shock:
Watch on YouTube
Watch on YouTube
Video courtesy of my pal Mark, who edits all my cowboy material - there’s more where that came from.
Verdict:10/10. More frightening than The Predator.
49) Legendary Cougar
OK, we’ve covered the actual substance of cougars now, so I’ll pick up a refrain from the first post in this series and have a brief whinge about how annoying it is that so many animals have names that double up as Sex Words. In this case, older women who like to do sex on younger men. I mean, I get the metaphor, but it’s quite off-putting, really? Cos if I met a lady who described herself as a cougar, I’d just think of a sort of horrible budget lion with breath like year-old dog food, chewing the arteries out of my neck as I quietly attempt to enjoy some corned beef. But I suppose I’ve only got RDR2 to thank for that. As a tangent, thinking about cougars (the lady kind), I’ve just come up with an idea for a reality show called The Unreal Housewives Of Orange County, about a group of glamorous middle-aged women who decide to become Unreal Tournament esports pros. How good would that be?
Verdict:7/10. Pretty underwhelming, as legendary animals go. Unless it did something really cool I’ve forgotten.
50) White Cougar
Huh, just remembered another really cracking bit of mountain lion horror in RDR2, come to think of it. You get sent to either hunt this thing, or track down the people who were hunting it, and needless to say you end up deep in a horrid cave, where you find their mauled bodies, right before the lights go out and you hear a vile mrowly noise. The following game of cat & cowboy is brutally tense, and I felt an ecstatic mix of relief and triumph when I finally binned the big cat. Honestly, this should have been the legendary cougar.
Verdict:9/10. Still not capable of inflicting as much horror as the bog standard variety, but a hell of a set piece nonetheless.
Right, I’m going to call it there for today I reckon, but there’s more corkers coming up (INCLUDING THE CRAB). Until next time, have fun, and be careful when trying to enjoy a nice tin of beef.
