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5 near-certain predictions for HearthstoneIt’s good ter see yer agayne

It’s good ter see yer agayne

1. Blizzard have finally cracked the problem of playing dialogue recorded in a Scottish accent.

Voice actor Terrence Stone, who plays Hearthstone’s jovial innkeeper/announcer, seems a decent enough bloke. And at this point, I can’t really imagine the game without him. But his Scottish accent (which all dwarves have, in the Warcraft continuity), is about as convincing as an anecdote about making model buses out of wine boxes. In fact, pretty much all the dwarves sound just as dubious. Given there are 5.4 million people living in Scotland, and presumably a few hundred thousand expats, I can only assume the issue is some arcane technical problem at Blizz, which causes any machine containing faintly Scottish audio to immediately and catastrophically bluescreen. If they’ve fixed this issue, it’ll be big news indeed.

2. Hearthstone is about to become an AR game.

Although a lot of Augmented Reality tech died a death after flopping in the mid-2010s, I don’t think it’s too late to hope that Blizzard will announce a shockingly bold hardware launch, which will allow you to overlay your entire life with the Hearthstone UI, via a massive plastic orc helmet or similar. Want to hear jaunty easy listening oboes wherever you go? Fancy knowing the mana value of your dog? Want to respond to all future office kitchen conversations with only the words “well played” or “amazing”? Well, technically you can do all those things now (your dog is worth three mana, unless it is an Alsatian, which is worth four), but now you can do it while playing cards inside a sweaty plastic helm.

3. Stearthstone.

4. There’s going to be a new Battle Royale mode.

Hearthstone already jumped on the auto battler craze like a pack of management consultants on a plate of scotch eggs, launching its take on the format in November of last year. But we’ve yet to see the game’s attempt at the royale format (‘royale’, of course, being French for ‘a hundred people having a fight’). I can’t really come up with a satirical take for how this might work, however, as every idea I come up with seemsjustgood enough that I eventually become convinced it might actually be in the works.

5. Gul’dan is real now.

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